A long week ends, and you reach for something to take the edge off. Another glass of wine. An online shopping spree. A few hours of scrolling. It feels good for a while. Then it fades, and somehow you need a little more next time to get the same feeling.
There’s a reason for that. Those escapes are trying to fill a real hunger, just with the wrong food.
A Hunger for Something Bigger
Every society draws an invisible circle around everyday life: the usual routines, the usual thoughts, the usual way things are done. Most of the time we live inside it. Work, bills, laundry, repeat.
But humans also have a deep need to step outside that circle once in a while, to feel awe, to feel connected to something larger than our own small worries. There’s an old word for that feeling: the sublime. It comes from a Latin idea meaning “at the threshold,” like standing in a doorway and looking out at something vast.
For most of history, religion, nature and ritual gave people regular doses of that feeling. Today many of us have fewer of those doorways. The hunger is still there, so we reach for whatever is closest.
The Fake Version
The fake version of that feeling comes from the outside. Alcohol. Drugs. Shopping. Porn. Getting swept up in online rage. Throwing yourself into a cause mostly to let off steam. Any habit you lean on to forget your day.
Each one gives you a moment where life feels bigger, louder or more exciting than your ordinary routine. But it’s an illusion. Nothing inside you actually changes. So the moment it wears off, you’re right back where you started, and you need more to get the same lift.
That’s the telltale sign of a fake high: it never truly satisfies, so it always asks for more.
Some thinkers have even described addictions as a way of “killing time,” numbing ourselves so we don’t have to face the fact that our time here is limited. It works for an evening. It doesn’t work for a life.
The Real Version
The real thing comes from the inside. It’s an experience you take part in, not a product you consume. Psychologist Abraham Maslow called these moments “peak experiences.” You’ve probably had a few:
- Standing under a sky full of stars and feeling tiny in the best way.
- Getting so absorbed in something you love, building, painting, gardening, playing music, that three hours vanish like ten minutes.
- A deep conversation where you feel truly understood.
- Holding a newborn, watching a sunrise from a mountain, or suddenly being struck by how strange and amazing it is to be alive at all.
Here’s the big difference: a real high doesn’t leave you hungrier. It leaves you fuller. You don’t need a bigger dose next time. The feeling stays with you, sometimes for years, and quietly changes how you see things.
Where to Find the Real Thing
- Get outside and look up. Stars, oceans, mountains, big old trees. Nature is the easiest doorway there is, and it’s usually free.
- Do something you love until you lose track of time. That “where did the afternoon go?” feeling is one of the surest signs you’ve found the real thing.
- Go deep with one person. Put the phones away and have a real conversation. Ask questions you actually want answered.
- Remember your childhood wonder. Kids find awe in bugs, puddles and clouds. That ability doesn’t disappear. It just needs to be dusted off.
- Think big for a minute. Consider the long chain of ancestors that led to you, or the history behind the ground you’re standing on. A few minutes of that can make everyday worries shrink.
- Notice the swap. Next time you reach for a quick escape, pause and ask: “What am I really hungry for?” Sometimes a walk, a call to a friend or an hour on a hobby hits the spot better.
A Simple Experiment
This week, swap one quick escape for one real experience. Instead of a night of scrolling, take a walk at dusk. Instead of an impulse buy, spend an hour on something you used to love making.
Then compare how you feel the next morning. Most people notice the difference right away: one leaves you a little empty, the other leaves you a little more alive.
You don’t have to give up every comfort. Just remember that the hunger underneath is real, and it deserves the real thing.